Killer Whales- the dick heads of the high seas

25 04 2010

Killer Whales seen in their natural habitat.

Some time ago, I unwittingly typed my most controversial post.  I said some things the internet just could not forgive about Killer Whales and Neko Case.  As many of you may know, Neko Case is a famous marine biologist and singer/song writer.  Now, I have to admit that I have never seen Neko Case, nor a killer whale up close, however, I did read a motivational book about training killer whales.  I also watched about five minutes of Free Willie II once, so I think I have a reasonable idea of what a killer whale is.  They’re black and white and they swim.  They’re also not actually whales, but part of the dolphin family.  I learned that from a children’s book on sea predators-   I don’t remember what it was called or I’d reference that as well.

Anyway, even though they call them ‘killer whales’ and their scientific name was derived from the name of the Roman god of the underworld, these animals are not considered a threat to humans.   Still, Neko Case calls our underwater pals “man eaters” in her famous song “People Got a lot of Nerve.”  In this horribly titled diddy, she suggests that if a Killer Whale dragged you to the bottom and ate your leg, you shouldn’t be surprised, because, after all, they are called killer whales.  Then she goes on to talk about eating people herself, which is, I guess, a hobby of hers.  I retorted that Killer Whales don’t eat people and that it might have been more appropriate to use an animal that might actually eat a person in a ‘man-eater’ analogy.  It also would be a surprise to most people of a killer whale ate their leg.

Neko Case in her natural habitat

This spurred on a plethora of comments that I was a douche bag to attack pour Neko.  Very few people noted that neither Neko Case, nor many killer whales, actually read my blog- so this is more of a victimless crime.  Moreover, people tried to explain to me that she has poetic license and can write whatever she’d like to, whether or not it makes literal sense.  We are talking about a lady who compares herself to a tornado, and then depicts herself riding on the hood of a muscle car wielding a sword…  So I’m gathered that there was a little bit of poetic license involved. I, however, got the same go ahead from the internet to write whatever I want, even if it offends killer whales or tornadoes.  And, this whole blog is intended to be humorous… and if you’re not seeing that by now, you really need to find a new blog to read.

This is all similar to when people pointed out that none of the ‘examples’ of irony in Alanis Morissette’s song ‘Ironic’ are actually ironic situations at all.  So she either wrote an entire song about a common word she couldn’t define if her life depended on it, or she thought that writing a song about irony using all examples of things that weren’t ironic, would, as a whole, create a situation of irony.  Either way, that song was awful.  She still has poetic license to be an idiot- but it doesn’t change the definition of irony.  Clearly Neko Case is not as retarded as Alanis, and her music doesn’t make me want to stuff firecrackers in my ears, but I’m sure you can see the comparison. Making fun of stupid lyrics should be good fun for the whole family.

Alanis Morissette demonstrating her prowess with the English language

Alanis Morissette demonstrating her prowess with the English language

Now, in the mist of this entirely unentertaining altercation between myself and the internet, some killer whale murdered a trainer in cold blood.  This prompted about a thousand people to tell me that I was completely wrong in asserting that killer whales were no threat to humans, and not man-eaters.  All I can say to that, is that I, myself, do not kill people.  However, if you kidnapped me and put me in an oversized bathtub and made me perform dog tricks for several years, I might kill you too. Now, killer whales actually can’t be forced into doing much, because they’re too big.  So you have to train them with positive reenforcement, and get them to the point where they want to perform.  But, apparently even then they may harbor a grudge and just be waiting for the perfect moment to kill you in front of a few hundred children.  Also, turns out, this particular killer whale was a bad seed in the first place.  He’s the first serial killer whale.  Why they overlooked that on his resume and still let him in the show at Sea World, we may never know.  I seriously hope someone in HR got canned because of this. Also it’s important to note that this actually did surprise everyone quite a bit.  …because killing people is not normal behavior for killer whales.

Regardless of how many people one whale can kill, they still aren’t man-eaters.  Primarily because they don’t eat men.  And, maybe if the song was about man-drowners this whole thing never would have happened, because, as it turns out, that’s much more plausible.  I still stand by my previous statement that killer whales do not eat people.  I also still think that song is dumb regardless.  I don’t wish Neko any ill will, and I do sincerely hope she doesn’t fall off the front of that car she rides on, but I’ll probably never be a fan of her lyrical work. And I think that’s ok.

I hope this clears up any unanswered questions from the last post.  If not, I suggest either talking to Ms Case about the situation, or your local killer whale population.

Sigourney Weaver was Wiley Kit of the Thunder Cats

In brief:

Priscilla and I just finally watched James Cameron’s Ferngully Two to see what all the talk was about.  Sad to see that Robin Williams wasn’t allowed to reprise his role an annoying fruit bat, but it was good to see Sigourney Weaver is still acting.  She portrayed one of the Thunder Cats in the film. All in all our cats and I enjoyed all the bright colors and quick movement, but Priscilla got a headache.

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4 responses

12 07 2010
Josh

I’ve learned many times over that anything and everything you say online or in the actual three-dimensional world is going to be considered goading words of hateful antagonism by some or ever moron within reading/hearing distance. If you say you don’t like a band all of the sudden you’re personally attacking them and every single person who like them; you say you like a band, you’re a tool because it’s not a cool band (at least not as cool as the one everyone else apparently likes); etcetera, etcetera.

Essentially, Neko Case is way over-hyped and kind of a d-bag but there are naked pictures of her online (here: http://musicisart.ws/2009/05/). Killer Wales I’m indifferent about. All in all, keep blogging, creating and having opinions because the world is easily overpopulated by projection-happy morons and you’ll be put to task for anything you say anyway, no matter how inoffensive or harmless.

12 07 2010
Josh
27 07 2010
David

That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said on this post! Thanks Josh! No worries, I’ll continue to be opinionated!

22 09 2010
Raiders of the Lost Rickenbacker « Is My Band Cool? DOT com

[…] afraid of this little guy- it’s not like its a maneater like… oh say, a killer whale! *drum roll*  But, what happened next scared the crap out of me.  After the ride through the park we got out […]

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