Is My Band Cool? DOT com

This picture of me is from a recent show and has nothing to do with this blog. But it's pretty sweet looking, right? Thanks Mike Minehart!

…I mean, just the fact that there are still some open demonstrates that…  It’s like, in begining there was K-Mart and Shopko, you know?  But then came along Walmart and Tartet, and there could be only one!  …or two.   Originally the marketing was simple.  K-mart: We sell utter crap for less!  And Shopko was all like: Hey, some of our stuff is “hip” enough to fool parents into purchasing  it and utterly disappointing their children. Also, the retard step child that no one talked about was there too… Pamida.  And then, out of the blue, Walmart stormed in with it’s K-mart-on-crack, Nazi style, no one sells worthless garbage for less approach.  At the same time Target walks in and is all like “What’s up bitches? Ever heard of advertizing?  I will make your kids think this crap is cool!” Then they all drew swords and went at it Highlander style, at the end all that was left standing was Conor McWalmart and Dunan McTarget.  And then, like a bad sequel that doesn’t even make sense, Kmart kept coming back even though it was beheaded and the quickening had happened, and the Queen theme had played…

But, what actually prompted me to say that was my visit to one their behemoths mid death rattle. All I really want is some lawn furniture. I don’t actually have a lawn, but that’s besides the point. I want to buy some lawn furniture. This guy I know says, ‘Hey, there’s a K-Mart going out of business in Richfield, try there.’ (actually that’s not exactly what he said, more of an example of what someone might say, were they some guy I knew trying to give me bargain advice) So we went out there, and a block away there are K-Mart guys holding huge GOING OUT OF BUSINESS signs.  We’re thinking, this is going to be sweet. Piles of crap for pennies.  This was, of course, not the case.  As previously stated, they can’t even figure out how to go out of business right…

Upon entering the store we realized that something was terribly wrong with this store that had been “going out of business” for a month.  The signs all read, ‘All items 10-30% off!!’  …um… that’s really not that much.  That’s like a sale.  Also, all of the stuff there really was crap. They didn’t just lay down when Walmart entered the ring, they just competed in the wrong area- who’s crap can be more offputtingly unpurchasable.  And, they may have actually won that campaign.  More like ‘trying to go out os business’ sale.

As long as we were there in a store, Priscilla needed to buy somthing though, so she went off and came back with several nail polish bottles.  They were marked at a dollar each.  …but rang up as 30% off two dollars each.  Being the passive aggressive Minnesotan that I am, I didn’t argue, I just blogged about it later.

The Salt on the wound? We were in a K-Mart that was still intending to stay in business later that day and we found some of the SAME items we were browsing at the dying store… for LESS.  WTF.  W. T. F.

Pee on your head K-Mart!!!

What else… we did all sorts of shows and wild parties and rock star crap… it was great.  I have no pictures to prove any of it and I’m too lazy to look now… so it’s 100% K-Mart for you tonight!

IN BRIEF

Ok, lets see… I watched ‘New in Town’ with Renee Zellwigger.  Don’t ask me what sadistic urge prompted me to do that.  But, wow, taking crap to new heights.  It was filmed in New Ulm, MN.  Some hillbilly from there rear ended me while I was at a dead stop once… so there’s already bad blood.  After this… I don’t know.  I mean, there was one scene in the film shot in Minneapolis, and when I saw that I beat the crap out of myself Fight Club style.  If you’re from New Ulm you should probably take the respectable way out of this one and perform the ol’ Seppuku.

um… all for now.  bye!

David