K-Mart proves they can even screw up going out of business…

17 09 2009

This picture of me is from a recent show and has nothing to do with this blog.  But it's pretty sweet looking, right?  Thanks Mike Minehart!

This picture of me is from a recent show and has nothing to do with this blog. But it's pretty sweet looking, right? Thanks Mike Minehart!

…I mean, just the fact that there are still some open demonstrates that…  It’s like, in begining there was K-Mart and Shopko, you know?  But then came along Walmart and Tartet, and there could be only one!  …or two.   Originally the marketing was simple.  K-mart: We sell utter crap for less!  And Shopko was all like: Hey, some of our stuff is “hip” enough to fool parents into purchasing  it and utterly disappointing their children. Also, the retard step child that no one talked about was there too… Pamida.  And then, out of the blue, Walmart stormed in with it’s K-mart-on-crack, Nazi style, no one sells worthless garbage for less approach.  At the same time Target walks in and is all like “What’s up bitches? Ever heard of advertizing?  I will make your kids think this crap is cool!” Then they all drew swords and went at it Highlander style, at the end all that was left standing was Conor McWalmart and Dunan McTarget.  And then, like a bad sequel that doesn’t even make sense, Kmart kept coming back even though it was beheaded and the quickening had happened, and the Queen theme had played…

But, what actually prompted me to say that was my visit to one their behemoths mid death rattle. All I really want is some lawn furniture. I don’t actually have a lawn, but that’s besides the point. I want to buy some lawn furniture. This guy I know says, ‘Hey, there’s a K-Mart going out of business in Richfield, try there.’ (actually that’s not exactly what he said, more of an example of what someone might say, were they some guy I knew trying to give me bargain advice) So we went out there, and a block away there are K-Mart guys holding huge GOING OUT OF BUSINESS signs.  We’re thinking, this is going to be sweet. Piles of crap for pennies.  This was, of course, not the case.  As previously stated, they can’t even figure out how to go out of business right…

Upon entering the store we realized that something was terribly wrong with this store that had been “going out of business” for a month.  The signs all read, ‘All items 10-30% off!!’  …um… that’s really not that much.  That’s like a sale.  Also, all of the stuff there really was crap. They didn’t just lay down when Walmart entered the ring, they just competed in the wrong area- who’s crap can be more offputtingly unpurchasable.  And, they may have actually won that campaign.  More like ‘trying to go out os business’ sale.

As long as we were there in a store, Priscilla needed to buy somthing though, so she went off and came back with several nail polish bottles.  They were marked at a dollar each.  …but rang up as 30% off two dollars each.  Being the passive aggressive Minnesotan that I am, I didn’t argue, I just blogged about it later.

The Salt on the wound? We were in a K-Mart that was still intending to stay in business later that day and we found some of the SAME items we were browsing at the dying store… for LESS.  WTF.  W. T. F.

Pee on your head K-Mart!!!

What else… we did all sorts of shows and wild parties and rock star crap… it was great.  I have no pictures to prove any of it and I’m too lazy to look now… so it’s 100% K-Mart for you tonight!

IN BRIEF

Ok, lets see… I watched ‘New in Town’ with Renee Zellwigger.  Don’t ask me what sadistic urge prompted me to do that.  But, wow, taking crap to new heights.  It was filmed in New Ulm, MN.  Some hillbilly from there rear ended me while I was at a dead stop once… so there’s already bad blood.  After this… I don’t know.  I mean, there was one scene in the film shot in Minneapolis, and when I saw that I beat the crap out of myself Fight Club style.  If you’re from New Ulm you should probably take the respectable way out of this one and perform the ol’ Seppuku.

um… all for now.  bye!

David





The Pool Party and the Diabetic Cat.

16 06 2009

Well the long awaited pool opener at the stately manor of Scott Herold came upon us a few short weeks ago. Naturally, not only was Maudlin attending, we were also planning on favoring our fans with a few songs while we were there. But first we had the first in our series of shows at Hot Topic.

Here I am getting to the Hot Topic, probably exactly on time too.

Here I am getting to the Hot Topic, probably exactly on time too.

New Maudlin fans.

New Maudlin fans.

This was one of those kind of deals where we needed to do some thing completely different from our normal stage show and, to prepare, we spent weeks creating a bold new acoustic set.  …course if you regularly read my blog you knew that was a lie.  We had no freakin clue what we were doing.

Anyway, after that pit stop, we were off to the pool party! Nothing at all could stop the greatest party of the summer! (So far. …I don’t want to limit myself.) But that total d-bag, Minnesota Weather, sure tried. (foreshadowing!)

mels

Pony and The Melismatics getting ready to play.

The first day of the party, the snots from the Melismatics took the stage and hoarded all the good weather. They did play The Jesus Mary Chain at my request though, and Pony also came to the defense of Priscilla ninja style when some creepy dude was hitting on her that night… so I suppose I won’t hold it against them. Naturally the show made me embarrassed to even tell people I own a guitar.

Then… I really don’t know what happened because I was mingling too much. I remember chatting with Ryan and then my agent, and then a few other people, and then the next thing I know there are a bunch of naked people in the pool, which means that all the normal people had already left. We stayed a little longer when Scott made biscuits and gravy… His biscuits and gravy are so good that they are going to appear in a cook book that Priscilla might make some time maybe. That’s good.

adam

Adam of So It Goes talking with Priscilla

ryan

Me talking with Ryan of The Melismatics. ...doesn't actually look like he wants to be there. Must be the camera lens.

party1

This is pool.

party2

These are people.

priscilla

This is Priscilla. She was there.

party3

john (2)

John. He beat anorexia and gave me lessons in what it means to be "rock and roll"

Revelation of the night? This guy is a douche.  Who would have guessed just by looking at him.  I would.  I did guess that.

Revelation of the night? This guy is a douche. Who would have guessed just by looking at him? I would. I did guess that.

So, anyway, then we went home and slept for a long period of time.  At some point on Saturday we woke up and basically just went right back to the pool.  Only now, the weather sucked.  It was like 65 American degrees and raining all day. The only thing cool about that was that the pool was actually 85 degrees, so it was steaming all day.  Seeing as the weather sucked it was more of a regular style party rather than a pool style party.  One disgruntled party goer actually smashed the tank on one of the toilets.  (Probably the dude above.  …I mean, just look at him. Seriously.)  True to form, Maudlin played and brought the noise regardless of the weather.  Following the example sung by Queen and set by many a mailperson, Maudlin plays regardless of weather conditions. …although we did move things inside to the Rock The Cause world headquarters in a secret underground bunker below the pool.

After we rocked out, we were really hot, so we all ran out into the rain and jumped into the pool.  After that refreshing experience Maudlin actually started requiring that there be a pool in the green room for all of our shows.

Anyway, that was that.

The next weekend we traveled with our pals So It Goes down to our stomping grounds of Winona to play Rock Roll music.  I think Mr. Mike Minehart who came down to document has a short video up of this already, but I’ll probably leave that till next time.  …When we got home from Winona we had sad, sad things waiting.  Our cat, Ebony, couldn’t walk.  We tried to help her up when we realised she was having difficulties, but she couldn’t even stand.  We took her to this vet.  I’d recommend them, normal hours go till 9pm seven days a week.  Turns out poor little Ebony is diabetic.  So we have her on a regiment of pills to help her get on her feet, and daily insulin that she’ll probably need the rest of her life. 😦  The good news is that, as of today (I’m writing this at home from work cat sitting), she seems to be doing a bit better.  She is now moving from room to room with some effort, but unassisted.  We’re hoping she makes a full recovery… I’ll keep you posted…

David








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